Miserable at Best
by Rayden Furusawa
Summary: Because sometimes staying hurts more than letting go...  With happier alternate ending added.
1. Miserable at Best

**Miserable at Best**

**Disclaimer: The characters and the song that inspired this are not mine…**

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It's been two years since the defeat of Voldemort. Harry Potter now lives the life he has always wished for. Everything is perfect…well almost everything. He still longs to have a family of his own. He wants a family with not just anyone but with the love of his life, Ginny Weasley. The problem is that she has been growing distant these past few weeks.

She is out attending a victory celebration for the Harpies' win against the Falcons two days ago. Harry was not able to attend the game because he was asked to fill in for Higanns who fell sick. Ginny asked him to come to the celebration, at least, but he couldn't. He had to finish Auror reports. She accepted his reason with just a bit of resentment as if she was actually expecting that he would, again, have an excuse not to attend. She, then, simply asked him to at least try.

He couldn't blame her for the resentment. He was always busy. She, too, had a killer schedule but she always found a way to make time for him. Why couldn't he do that for her? Now, he sits at his desk with the finished reports scattered around.

It was too late now. The party had started more than three hours ago and would end in less than forty-five minutes. He just let Ginny down again. He wearily pinches the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes tightly. He let out a loud sigh, stood up and apparated to Potter Place. He's too tired to even go anywhere but home.

Harry dresses down, pours himself a glass of Firewhiskey and sits on the couch. His mind, once again, is on his girlfriend. He imagines her with her team, dancing with whomever and chatting with her friends, who, unlike him, were able to take time off to congratulate her and probably even attend her game.

Harry lets out a frustrated sigh. Could he really blame her for her lately cold demeanor? He could not even go to her game! Her game which had been scheduled months ago was blown off due to a stupid patrolling that could have been assigned to anyone else had he chosen not to accept (as it was supposed to be his day off)!

Dancing. Ginny loves dancing. She would, most likely, be dancing right now. He imagines her dancing with some of her teammates while they laugh loudly. He imagines her dancing with some of her old friends from Hogwarts while talking about the stuff they used to do. He imagines her dancing with _him _while _he_ holds her close_._ That was not an image Harry could take out of his mind.

Yes, _him_. That idiot, _Kenneth Swift_, had been following her around lately. They met at an interview two month ago and became fast friends. Harry doubts that Ginny even notices that the idiot has been waiting for them to break up. She's really like Ron in that aspect sometimes.

Before they had met, Ginny would always go to either Luna or Hermione when she had a problem. Lately, Swift had been included in that list. _He_ comforts her and listens to her and makes her laugh again while all Harry has been doing is giving her problems…problems that become the reason why she has to run to Swift in the first place.

Ginny would always tell Harry she loves him but he could never say he loved her back. He could not figure out why. All he knows is, contrary to popular belief, he is the biggest coward in the world. His fears were not even justified but he seems to be really good at creating situations where they would _become_ justified. She deserves so much better than him.

She had an ultimatum. He, Harry, could sense it. Tonight was his last chance to stop sabotaging himself…and he did not take it. The party would be over now. He wasted too much time.

He finishes off his glass and dejectedly went to bed and slept a dreamless sleep. The next day, Ginny Weasley came to visit saying that they needed to talk. Harry already knew what she wanted to say, so, with a heavy heart, he gave it to her. Why? Because her happiness comes before his own and he could not give her the happiness she deserves.

_Because these words are never easier for me to say_

_Or her to second guess_

_But I guess_

_That I can live without you but_

_Without you I'll be miserable at best_

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**The song that inspired this is Miserable at Best by Mayday Parade…it's a great song.**

**Hmmmm...Should I post the happier ending I had planned? Or should I just leave it with angst? Leave a review.**


	2. Tell Her This

**Tell Her This**

**Disclaimer: Still not mine…I know the opening is kind of lame…but I couldn't think of anyway else soooo…**

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Harry Potter woke up with a start. He looks around and takes in his surroundings. He sees pieces of papers scattered around his desk and even one sticking to his cheek. He is in his office with nearly finished reports on his desk. He had the worst dream where he had lost the love of his life due to his idiocy. Well, that idiot would bloody well not be him. He looks at his watch. Less than an hour left before the party ends. The stupid reports could be crammed in the morning.

Harry apparates to Potter Place to change out of his Auror robes. Thirty minutes left. He was going to make it even if just for the last song…the last dance. He knows he couldn't apparate straight to the place where the party was being held and they had no direct floo connection. It was near a muggle place so he could not use his broom either. He had no choice but to run the rest of the way there from the nearest apparition point.

He apparates to the designated point and checks his watch. Great! He wasted another five minutes because of his musings. He runs as fast as his feet would carry him. He does not care that he is bumping into strangers who gives him scornful looks. He just gives them whispered apologies and continues on his way. He is a man on a mission!

He runs muttering wishes that he would make it in time. He could not lose her! He felt what the idiot in his dream felt and he did not want that to become reality. It almost killed him to let her go…

He arrives at the place heavily panting and trying to catch his breath. He could not stop now. He still had to find her. The place was packed!

Harry searched for Ginny in the crowded hall. The band is already announcing the last song; his last chance. He looks around desperately and…there! He spots her standing on the side of the dance floor. He hurries over to her forcing his lungs to suck in air.

Still panting, Harry asks her to dance with him. He sees the surprise in her eyes as he does so. He holds out her hand to her.

"I'm sorry I'm late…" he says looking directly in her brown eyes. Her surprised expression turns into one of joy. She smiles brightly at him and shakes her head.

"You're just in time," she tells him.

He leads her to the dance floor and holds her close. This warmth…how could the idiot in his dreams ever thought he could live without this? He looks into her eyes once more and loses himself in them. In his daze, he blurts out something and sees her eyes widen a bit.

It was like a great weight was lifted off his shoulder. For the first time in his life, he said to her those three little words but he knows that he had meant those words more than anything he has ever said in his whole life. She giggles lightly in his arms and shifts closer to him. He did not have to hear her say those words back right now as she had said them hundreds of times before…and he knew she had meant them every time. Seriously, what had he been so afraid of?

The next day, Harry Potter came to visit asking her to come out with him. Ginny already knew what he wanted, so, with a huge smile, she accepted. His nervousness gave him away and he was never good at keeping secrets. With tears in her eyes, she also accepted his proposal later...but that's another story.

_Tell her not to go_

_I ain't holding on no more_

_Tell her nothing if not this_

_All I want to do is kiss her_

_Tell her something in my mind_

_Freezes up from time to time_

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**Yeah I know...it's short.**

**The song lyrics at the end is from Tell Her This by Del Amitri. Basically, I chose those lyrics because, in the story, Harry let go of his fears and finally told Ginny what he felt. Thus, the line 'I ain't holding on no more'. I just thought that it fits.**


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